Rick and Morty visit 40k
by MA7
Summary: An imperial chapel service is gate crashed by a strange pair.


The modest congregation of recently converted Slaaneshi heretic women murmured softly in conversation, as they sat on various supply crates in the makeshift Imperial chapel the captured Imperial nuns had set up for their new converts in an unoccupied room onboard the massive chaos battleship, waiting for the service to start.

The chapel was crude and modest in the extreme, little more than bare walls lit by candles, with colour printer copies of popular artworks depicting the Emperor and the saints glued to the walls on standard sized sheets of paper to provide devotional decoration.

The seats were mostly crates of various cosmetics, as the ship was ruled by Slaaneshi dominatrix women who typically wore WAY too much makeup, and had more crates of lipstick and eyeliner than they could even use! It was fitting that these crates serve a much less decadent use as pews to worship the Emperor from.

The congregation were a mixed group, with enthusiastic heretic women converts, and their far less enthusiastic husbands and children who had been dragged along to the service by the scolding of these women. Some of these husbands were merely ordinary human heretic men, but a few were hulking Night Lords in power armour that looked especially unimpressed to be here.

Sister Mary Cortez the nun gazed at the congregation from her place on the crude raised altar platform with nervous optimism. The converted heretic women were deliberately trying to dress very modestly and conservatively for the chapel service, but they hadn't quite gotten it anything like modest enough...

Maybe by the standards of this depraved Slaaneshi ship they were dressed conservatively, but to any Imperial culture they were dressed like prostitutes! You can't just bother to actually wear a bra under your cleavage heavy slut top for once and think that you were now dressed conservatively!

One of the women in the front row then exposed a nipple and started suckling her baby shamelessly in front of everyone...

"Franklin avert your eyes!" Sister Mary said in horror at the public breastfeeding.

Franklin immediately turned his gaze away as ordered, looking embarrassed.

"Kindly feed your infant outside! You are tempting the males to impure thoughts! YES I am talking to you!" Mother Superior sternly barked at the breastfeeding mother in reprimand.

"Oh, um, Yes Mistress, at once Mistress," the woman said submissively and left the room with her infant on her breast.

"No not YOU space marine! Do NOT follow her out!" Mother Superior added as the woman's Night Lord husband attempted to follow.

The Night Lord simply ignored Mother Superior, but quickly returned to the room when his wife scolded him.

"Ok congregation, quiet down. Now how many of you know the recorded words of the Emperor on Holy Ullanor Prime at the end of the Ullanor crusade?," Mother Superior began.

"A friend of mine actually FOUGHT in the Ullanor Crusade and met the Emperor personally," One of the Night Lords announced.

The nuns all gasped in delight and asked the astarte to say more.

"Well my friend met the Emperor, and described him as a complete and total megalomaniac cunt of a prick..." The Night Lord chuckled nastily.

The nuns flinched in offended shock, what a horrible man!

"Don't be difficult Eric!" One of the women snapped with obvious embarrassment.

"Yes Mistress," the Night Lord chuckled obediently and said nothing more.

"I think I know who you're talking about, old Orlando the dreadnought in old Hagen's warband. Orlando always tells the best stories during a banquet." Another Night Lord said cheerfully to the first.

Every other Night Lord in the room exclaimed softly in realisation that they knew this "Orlando the dreadnought" too, and started talking to each other and laughing!

Mother Superior barked crossly, and the embarrassed heretic women frantically silenced their menfolk.

Sister Mary held her face in her palms composing herself in the face of this shameful display during a chapel service.

Silence gradually filled the chapel as the women got their men to behave, and Mother Superior waited for complete silence before continuing to speak.

"We will read from the words as written on page 385, paragraph two," Mother Superior began.

"Mistress, we don't have a copy of that book," one of the congregation women said apologetically.

The nuns all groaned in annoyance at this further setback, why couldn't a chapel service just go to plan for once!

"Mummy I need to go to the toilet to do a wee!" One of the children in the congregation said very loudly.

"Just go pee in the corner son," the child's normal human father told the child reassuringly!

"Do NOT urinate in this sanctified chapel!" Mother Superior roared with holy wrath.

The child yelped fearfully at the angry tone and a huge wet urine patch appeared in the front of his pants!

The nuns raced to clean the sacred floor as the urine ran down the child's leg! The child's parents frantically carried him out to protect the floor! By the Emperor this was a disaster!

Booming Night Lord laughter filled the chapel now, but was swiftly silenced by commands from their mortified wives. Sister Mary sighed unhappily at this debacle.

The nuns gradually got the service moving in the right direction, and got the congregation to listen as they explained the true words of the blessed Emperor.

The room suddenly glowed bright green as a strange green circle of energy appeared on one wall, what foul sorcery was this?!

A tall, thin, grey haired old man in a stained lab coat walked through the green circle into the room, followed by a small brown haired teenage boy in a yellow shirt?! What the heck was going on?!

"Aw jeez Rick, it smells like dead bodies in here, I don't think we should be here," the teenage boy said anxiously.

"(Burp), chillax, (burp), Morty, (burp), everything in this dimension smells like that." The old man reassured the teenager, sounding rather drunk.

"Do you mind! We are trying to have a service here!" Mother Superior scolded the pair of interlopers.

"Hm, nuns, um whores, a few dominatrices, some kids, (Jesus), and, whoa Holy fuck it's some motherfucking Night Lords! YES! Check it out Morty, we are about to witness a Slaaneshi orgy! Lubba-dubba-dub-dub!" The old man exclaimed.

"Jesus Rick! But there are kids!" The teenager exclaimed.

"How DARE you! This is a worship service for the God-Emperor not some filthy heretic blasphemy!" Mother Superior exploded.

"Right right, SURE it is. (Burp), what Imperium service DOESN'T have whores and fucking Night Lords in the congregation, please lady!" The old man dismissed mockingly.

The Night Lords all angrily pointed their weapons at the pair of interlopers and shouted, "don't call our wives whores you pathetic worm!"

"(Burp), fine. Come on Morty, let's go get some ice cream," the old man said, pulling a strange energy weapon from inside his lab coat and shooting a green energy circle into the wall.

The teenage boy gave a fearful brief back glance at the room, and then he and the old man walked through the green circle. The circle then disappeared a few moments later.

"What foul sorcery was that?," Sister Mary asked in horrified wonder.

"I think that was the Emperor," a Night Lord mocked, generating raucous laughter from all the others.

Sister Mary sighed.

***...


End file.
